Sunday, June 20, 2010

Day One Hundred Seventy One


Long-Overdue “Self”

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me except for my age, but I have these days where all I can do is cry. It happened today as the church service started. I had a sense of vulnerability as we approached the door and was already tearing up as the Bono song played while people seated themselves. I sensed trouble. And, sure enough, by the end of the worship set, my sleeve was wet. I don’t love showing public emotion. But, the more I tried to get it under control, the wetter I became... Ugh!

I’m not usually able to define what I’m so emotional about, but I am usually able to come up with ways in which I am unhappy with something inside me. I become very reflective and, more often than not, I leave having resolved a thing or two in my heart.

Today, one of those things is that I don’t want to forget this day, and this is where the blog title develops a double meaning.

I want to hold on to the voice of God inside me, calling me to a new place of maturity. To do this,I need to find a place inside myself where I can accept His grace for my failures- a place where I can find what I need to leave the past fully behind me and move forward. A place where I can begin to be all I was created to be. I learn in these times. I learn deep things and not so deep things. I learn to let God love me… and to never leave the house without tissue!

Me… in the aftermath